i have a fabulous handbag, therefore i am

Over a recent game of Settles of Catan, Ben playfully, but earnestly, called me a yuppie. His prosecution relied on the dual facts that I shop at JCrew, Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters, and that I have a Macbook. In mock anguish I wailed that I was not a yuppie, and we both had a hearty laugh. Two days later I am still wailing in anguish, but now it is in earnest. I am terrified to realize that I am, truly, predisposed toward being a yuppie. If you are unfamiliar with the term "yuppie", this is an informative definition from UrbanDictionary.com. "Yuppie" Acronym for Young Urban Professional. Group whose culture blends the hippie/counterculture values of the 1960s and the materialistic monetary-based values of the 1980s. Usually congregate in Starbuck's, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, and a wide variety of vintage clothing boutiques. Includes both moderate Liberals (majority of yuppies), and moderate Conservatives (smaller group of yuppies), although both the far left and the far right enjoy dissing them. Far left dude: I hate these yuppies! They claim to be "artists" and "bohemians", yet their materialistic pursuits embody the very antithesis of the counterculture, and price real "artists" like me out of the neighborhoods they move to! Far right dude: I hate these yuppies. I can't stand how they flaunt their metrosexuality with their designer labels, lattes, luxury cars, and globally conscious health food stores. It's European-wannabe wimps like them that corrupt America! Ben and I have somewhat less elaborate working definitions for "yuppie". Ben considers a yuppie to be a person whose purchasing decisions are based primarily on what other people think is interesting, a person who is always concerned about getting the "right" thing. I think of yuppies as people whose lives are defined by material consumption, and who are far-removed from the workings of the natural world. If you are still having trouble defining "yuppie" in your mind, we discovered a good litmus test last night. Think of something that at one time was considered "indie" and edgy, and now has become the stuff of mass consumption. There is a good chance that whatever you thought of is part of the yuppie lifestyle. Some of our findings include: -Organic food shops, esp. Trader Joe's and Whole Foods -The music of Death Cab for Cutie -Anything made by Macintosh -Hybrid cars I take a small bit of solace that at least I fall into the relatively new category of "Green Yuppie". That is a person who alters aspects of their life to be more environmentally sensitive, such as driving a used Volvo instead of a new Suburban, using canvas bags for groceries instead of plastic, or even going as far as to erect a windmill or solar panels around their home to reduce energy use. Unfortunately, these efforts still tend to be influenced heavily by posturing and can involve very little real sacrifice on the yuppie's part. It is easy to save the earth if all that involves is driving a more hip car and buying interesting food at expensive stores. And I buy it. In my heart I buy it all. The positive spiritual and material influences of my university experience kept some of the emptiest desires at bay, but now free from the example of my non-yuppie friends, my covetousness and vanity is running wild. I dream of owning a pair of olive green patent leather Prada wedges to go with my tasteful vintage pea coat, both which will draw admiring stares as I balance my organic soy sugar-free vanilla latte, extra hot, on top of the interesting book I hold nonchalantly (A Clockwork Orange, perhaps?). I want a $1,100 Shaw fireclay sink to go in my carefully manicured kitchen, and I want my husband to wear trendy square-framed glasses. That life will look so great paired with my reputable law degree. And it is all so empty. Richard Foster's classic book "The Freedom of Simplicity" stares at me unread from the bookshelf as I surf the latest additions to my favorite home wares blog. I see the lives of people I respect, more often than not, exemplified by generousness to the point of want, and a struggle to not accumulate possessions. With one hand I write that I want to live a life like that, and with the other I give over my credit card for a pretty new thing. I wonder if there is some sort of cosmic limit on hypocrisy that will one day find me overdrawn and strike me down? In desperation I looked to my sister, the other person who knows me best, to refute Ben's assertion that I am fated to a yuppie life of yuppie wants and yuppie waste. She didn't hesitate a second to agree with him. But she also said that there was one thing about me that isn't yuppie, and that is my childhood as a rancher's daughter. A working cattle ranch is not yuppie. At that, I remembered back to my morning at work when I had heard an unfamiliar song on the radio, and had crouched close to the speaker until it was over, because I thought it just might be Garth Brooks. I don't want to desire objects and plaudits, but I do, and probably the craving for the Prada pumps will always be a part of my struggle. For now I rest in the knowledge that I am not, and never will be, 100% yuppie. The song was by Garth Brooks, and I loved it. -a